They're Identical, but Opposites!

NEWFLASH: Diablo Cody (Who I HAAAATE, but, after Juno, she's allowed to do whatever the fuck she wants, like make Jennifer's Body, run red lights, and scalp babies) is slated to write a script for a new full-length feature film based on....

(wait for it)



SWEET VALLEY HIGH.

Don't even act like that's not the best news you're going to hear all weekend.
Jean and I will see you in line on opening night... you know... because I'm going to force her to come with me.

Snack Food Epiphany

Andrea: hang on. i'm going to walk to the drug store and get some junk food.

quick! talk me out of it!

Kim: what the

what kind of junk food?

Andrea: i dunno yet...

maybe pringles

Kim: ewwwww!!!

don't bother

if you had said cheetos you woulda had my blessing
Andrea: OOOH! i was just thinking about those this morning

i don't know why i forgot.

Kim: lol
Andrea: i was!

that's pathetic, but i was literally thinking about cheetos at 9:15 this morning

Kim: cheetos are bad for you!

stay and talk to me

Andrea: hah.

but i WANT them

(OMG - story of my life.)

Sent at 2:05 PM on Tuesday

Literally, No Subject

Hi, I don't have shit to say. Mostly because it's SO. FUCKING. HOT. And I want you to rip my limbs off and fan me with them.

I cannot wait for this summer to be over. Any day now, People.

How I Realized That I Hate Gossip Girl

(12:31:30) rubbr xx duckee: ZOMGS. http://gawker.com/5145707/see--denorex-tingles
(12:44:58) benackerman1979: i know right?
(12:45:09) benackerman1979: blair and nate?
(12:45:10) benackerman1979: blech
(14:42:48) rubbr xx duckee: way better than vanessa and nate
(14:42:53) rubbr xx duckee: i fucking hate vanessa
(14:43:00) benackerman1979: haha
(14:43:15) benackerman1979: why?
(14:43:23) benackerman1979: shes kinda cute
(14:43:26) rubbr xx duckee: she's boring and annoying
(14:43:32) rubbr xx duckee: and she totally fucking stole mail!
(14:43:40) rubbr xx duckee: WHICH IS A FEDERAL OFFENSE
(14:44:01) benackerman1979: hahah
(14:44:05) benackerman1979: it is a federal offense
(14:44:09) benackerman1979: you're so moral
(14:45:01) rubbr xx duckee: plus it's like
(14:45:06) rubbr xx duckee: she doesn't know she's boring and annoying
(14:45:21) rubbr xx duckee: she just goes about her business, liking how she is. which is ANNOYING
(14:45:28) rubbr xx duckee: so she's boring, annoying, and ANNOYING
(14:45:29) benackerman1979: hahaha
(14:45:32) rubbr xx duckee: i should be a lawyer.
(14:45:35) benackerman1979: man i just don't get that
(14:45:48) benackerman1979: i mean
(14:45:53) benackerman1979: nate is ten times more boring than her
(14:46:40) rubbr xx duckee: and 20 times hotter
(14:46:45) rubbr xx duckee: so that's forgivable.
(14:46:48) benackerman1979: haha
(14:47:03) benackerman1979: i mean honestly
(14:47:05) benackerman1979: theyre all boring
(14:47:08) benackerman1979: except chuck and blair
(14:47:17) benackerman1979: so thats why blair and nate making out is lame
(14:47:20) rubbr xx duckee: yeah, but they're not all annoying
(14:47:22) rubbr xx duckee: just vanessa
(14:47:23) rubbr xx duckee: jenny
(14:47:26) rubbr xx duckee: dan and serena
(14:47:38) rubbr xx duckee: ....
(14:47:40) benackerman1979: hehe
(14:47:41) rubbr xx duckee: i think that's it
(14:47:47) benackerman1979: rufus is pretty annoying
(14:47:49) rubbr xx duckee: the rest are tolerable
(14:47:51) rubbr xx duckee: oh
(14:47:53) rubbr xx duckee: oh yeah he is!
(14:47:57) rubbr xx duckee: forgot about him
(14:48:05) benackerman1979: he's also the worst father of all time
(14:48:06) rubbr xx duckee: because i DON'T CARE ABOUT RUFUS AND LILY
(14:48:16) rubbr xx duckee: why can't that show get that through their heads!??!
(14:48:21) benackerman1979: hahah
(14:48:29) benackerman1979: yeh
(14:48:40) rubbr xx duckee: OMG I totally hate Gossip Girl.
(14:48:41) rubbr xx duckee: !!
(14:49:08) benackerman1979: yeh i kinda hate it too
(14:49:10) benackerman1979: but i loves it too
(14:49:11) rubbr xx duckee: hahaha
(14:49:21) benackerman1979: plus it looks good in hd
(14:49:55) rubbr xx duckee: if the actors on gossip girl were ugly and wore ugly clothes, i'd so not watch the show.
(14:50:02) benackerman1979: agreed
(14:50:04) rubbr xx duckee: (which also explains why i don't like vanessa)
(14:50:06) benackerman1979: also
(14:50:08) rubbr xx duckee: BAM
(14:50:09) rubbr xx duckee: done.
(14:50:15) benackerman1979: what if gossip girl suddenly became about time travel?
(14:50:20) rubbr xx duckee: hahahahha

It's 11pm at night, this isn't supposed to happen.

WTF

Some randomly lit flares on the 405/10 interchange (or some cops left them out from an accident and one got knocked out of place) - but it cause this major back up. Andthe entrance to the fwy was backed up because people don't know how to use two lanes. Long story short... I hate when traffic is backed up when pol don't know how to drive.

And neither of those people are me and dre - even if we are Asian women. Eff you stereotypes.

*note: i originally email blogged this - but for some reason it didn't appear. if it miraculously appears again and is a duplicate post - i apologize. i'm not that angry... my phone has just been hating me lately (shush your iphone-haterade Andrea)

Conversations with Peter Pan

Catch-up brunch at Jack & Jill's, Sunday.
Shaffer: "So you get a title change and a business card and stuff now? Are you a grown up, too?"
Andrea: "I don't have a title."

... And I'll never grow up!

Will The Disasters Ever End?

So, in case you missed the memo, sometime in the wee hours of Christmas morning, when Los Angeles was getting soaked by a much-needed storm, the roof directly above my pillow opened up and unleashed a unholy fury of dirty rain water from the rooftop patio above directly onto my bed.

Being that it was Christmas, I was staying at my parents' house at the time of the disaster, in my half-hearted attempt to be a decent daughter and missed the salughter. But what a nice call to receive from Myles on Christmas morning. "Hey, Dre. Merry Christmas. I have some bad news..."

Anyway, long, drama-filled story short, all is mostly well again. My disaster recovery skills are pretty sharp, being that I work where I do. I'm almost all back to normal, after a long weekend of being a soggy and displaced person.

It could be worse. It could always be worse. I could have no arms or no legs or no roof above my head. Oh. Waaaaiit a second.


me: ok, well i just have to run home and make my bed.

Jaymie: hahahah

why?

are you expecting company tonight?

me: cuz they fixed my ceiling this morning

no

Jaymie: oh

me: when i say "make my bed," i literally mean "make my bed." me: not just put sheets on it in an organized way
Jaymie: but why make it at night if you are going to be sleeping in it later Jaymie: oh

oh

hahahahaha

uh huh

Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret.

I had to go on a mission today to buy a dress. It was complicated. It was bad luck in the form of the dress I ordered over a week ago suddenly being out of stock and a little bit of good luck in the form of a one-day-only 40% off sale at Banana Republic and a little bit of bad luck in the form of me being a XS Petite (Did I SHRINK?) and not being able to find anything pretty in my size there. So I ended up buying this purple silk number with a boat neck and puff cap sleeves and a pencil skirt. It's totally not as cute as the first dress that I purchased, which was Lorick, the real-life counterpart of Blair Waldorf's Mom's line on Gossip Girl. And blue. And had birds on it. And was adorable. But I digress!

My point is, I went shopping at the 3rd Street Promenade this evening. I was there for about an hour and a half, and 80% of that time was in the fitting room at Banana, waiting for the sales associate to dig up a XS Petite for me.

When I was done at Banana, I walked down to Urban Outfitters for a headband. That's about a two block walk. During that two block walk, I was approached THREE TIMES by young men in suits trying to introduce me to the existence of their God.

WHAT?!?

This always happens to me. I swear, when I was in college, I'd be minding my own business, sitting on a bench somewhere and all kinds of random people would just come up and literally start reading the Bible to me. WHAT!??!

What is it? Why me? What is it about me that screams "I have no faith in your God?" Aside from my voice screaming "I have no faith in your God." You tell me.

Effing Michael Phelps

Not in the "I'm Effing Matt Damon" kind of way, but in the "BOO TO YOU" kind of way.

I have this hatred of Michael Phelps that goes back to Athens. I think mostly because he got put on the relay team instead of Gary Hall Jr, who I've liked since high school. It's petty and a little silly, I know, but Michael Phelps as a person, doesn't impress me. Yea, yea, I know... won 8 gold medals in one Olympics, greatest swimmer of all time, eats 12,000 calories a day - blah blah blah. To quote Nicole: "freak of nature". Haha, just kidding. But his body is "built" for swimming. Acutally, get this: Michael Phelps has a rare genetic disorder that has undoubtedly helped in his athletic endeavours, but that may also one day prove to be a curse. That disorder, which affects 1 in 5,000 people worldwide, is called Marfan's Syndrome, a connective tissue disorder which characterized by long limbs and long, thin fingers. See, it's almost too easy. Well fine - I guess he could die someday, but I'm sure he's kind of loving his disorder right now.

[A little background note on me: sometimes when I decide I don't like something, I get really stubborn and just go with it. Also on this list: the DVR from Dish, clowns, BSG, and Cameron Diaz (she's working her way off of it).]

Another reason that I dislike him, is I just don't think he's deserving of all the "hype". I mean, I guess he's a celebrity like any other sports star, but when we saw John Williams and he played the Olympic theme there were SO many shots of him. Why does he need to be on Entourage? Is he really an American hero? No.

Today, Michael Phelps ruined my day by having his book signing @ Border's across the street from my work. This is also where I park my car. Parking lot was full because of his stupid face. I had to drive around and wonder where I should park, and technology decided to hate me today and my iPhone kept dropping calls and wouldn't hold a call for more than 10 seconds despite having all my bars. (Effing AT&T). I don't get why all these people are in line for Michael Phelps, why he has a book called No Limits: The Will to Succeed, AND this is also his SECOND book. What the heck?

SERIOUSLY. NOT. WORTH. THE. HYPE. Boo to you Michael Phelps, Boo to you.

I'd Prefer That It Was Empty

On Sunday night, after the SAG screening of Curious Case of Benjamin Button (which I thought was lovely) but before the 9:50 showing of Nobel Son (which I thought was over the top), Jean and I met up with Shaffer for some mediocre pan-Asian food at Yangtze on the 3rd Street Promenade.

Pretty much everyone has different ways of choosing a fortune cookie after a meal. Jean likes to "count cookies." Frankly, I have no idea what this means, but if it's her way, it's her way. You don't mess with fate. I like to just grab the first one that calls to me. This is really really stange because I am not like that about ANYTHING else in the entire world. Which is a good thing, because my fortunes often suck.

For example, the one from last night:

"If your desires are not extravagant, they will be granted"??!?!? WHAT!??! In plain English:

"Aim for mediocrity and you will never fail."

Someone up/out/around "there" hates me. I'm going to tell myself that it was just a coincidence that my boss mentioned moving into a smaller cubicle today. Yeah... Coincidence. Definitely.