Don't Go Shopping with Andrea

"I'm such an enabler when I shop with other people, and I just read Lucky magazine so you're screwed."

Trust Me

So, I apparently attract all the crazies. Something about me, or I have "SUCKER" written on my forehead, or I'm just a good person - they can tell! Last night I was dining outdoors with my sister, aunt and a friend. It was in a large plaza area, and people walking to and fro, but no one really bothers you. Until someone asked how old my nephew was. My nephews are CUTE, (Way cuter than yours, especially you Darrell.) So that question doesn't really phase me. Until the crazy started stroking my sleeping nephew's face and saying "Trust me. Okay? Trust me. Even if he wakes up, he'll be very happy. Trust me." Umm.. no thank you Crazy Lady? I didn't quite know what to say. I have this problem where I can't lie or be mean to random people and strangers, unless obviously there's a reason to or a direct affront... but you know Crazy People have feelings too... I think. So my sister starts saying how we don't know her and she doesn't want Crazy Lady touching her son. And I'm like yea, she's the mom, listen to her. You'd think she'd just be like "sure, sorry" and keep walking right. No... she starts grabbing my jacket (and my hair a little bit... ow) and yammering on about how you should follow your heart, listen to yourself, don't have any regrets, that she gets feelings deep inside and knows I'm a good person and to "TRUST ME" (she said that about sixty four times.) She said that I was good and that I shouldn't trust anyone if I get bad feelings about them, even if I think I know them. Not to go to temples because they'll brainwash me and read my fortune tell me bad things (and she said that she's been affected deeply by this) - and although I really am not a fan of having my fortune be told anyways, it was all kind of a little too much. She kept telling me that the people I was current eating dinner with weren't to be trusted and she "normally" doesn't really just bother random people (really?!) but she saw me and HAD to talk to me. Somewhere in the conversation she said "You probably think I'm drunk" out of nowhere and then later was like "yea... I'm drunk" - although she didn't really reek of alcohol or walk crooked, so my sister just thought she was crazy. She left to go to the bathroom and then came back and started talking to me again and telling me how the people in my life were bad... and finally I just had to tell her that I didn't appreciate her insulting my friends and that she could leave. And she did.. so it wasn't too terrible. It just got old after the first twelve "TRUST ME"s. My sister was cracking up to the point of tears in the background and the Crazy Lady was increasing her grip on my jacket/hair. Not cool lady....

So... who wants to hang out with me now? Free entertainment! And I'm good person... even crazy people can tell.

... And Counterpoint.

On Sunday night, my very best friend - who is a dude - invited me to the movies to see He's Just Not That Into You. (Yeah, he's a straight man, I promise you.) Despite the fact that Jean gave it a freaking glowing review, I still went along to check it out. Sometimes I do ill-advised things. And I paid money. At the expensive theater.

Prior to Jean seeing it, I did have a mild interest in watching the movie because I was hopeful it would be like an American version of Love Actually, which is a really great movie, in my opinion. Jean hates Love Actually. I like Love Actually. I can't hate anything with Hugh Grant in it, even though he's most likely a giant fucktard in real life.

That being said, I guess it kind of makes sense that I didn't actually hate this movie.

I didn't luh-huve it, like my companions did. But I was pleasantly surprised at how amused I was by it. Obviously, it was completely predictable. It's a movie, and movies are meant to be "uplifting" because that's what the public wants. (Case in point: Slumdog Millionaire - UGH.) Generally speaking, I hate uplifting movies because they're so cliche. But you don't go into a romantic comedy and not expect Harry to make a scene about how much he adores Sally on New Year's Eve. If he didn't, it would be a different kind of movie. Probably, overall, a better one.

The whole exception-versus-rule thing in this movie is important and stupid. When Crazyface Girl realizes that she's The Rule, it was a big moment. I totally bought that. But, an hour later, the movie spins it with this moral: "If you wait long enough, you will eventually be The Exception." Wuh? ...And then I ralphed into my popcorn bucket. Waste of perfectly good popcorn. Maybe I'm still in the "I'm The Rule" phase of my romantic career, but I didn't buy that shit. They tried to give it to me for free with my $14.50 movie ticket, but I didn't even take it. All I wanted was my parking validated.

Also, I'd like to note that I don't remember a single character's name. That's generally a bad sign. The characters in this movie weren't really people - they were characatures. Crazyface Girl. Married Couple (Bitchy Lady and Lying-Cheater Dude.) Unmarried Couple (Hot Girl and Awesome Dude - sorry! I liked him and I'm on his side.) Clingy Real Estate Dude. Attention Whore. "I'm a Mac"/ Afraid of Relationships Guy. Drew Barrymore. But I think that was kind of the point - you were supposed to be able to relate to one or some of the characters on some level or another.

So what exactly did I like?

First of all: afterwards, you get to play with "Which Character Do You Relate To Game." (After a lot of thought, I've concluded that I'm "I'm a Mac"/Afraid of Relationships Guy.) Could be worse, right? And then you get to tell your friends which characters they were: "Dude. You are so Real Estate Guy!" "....Oh, God, I'm Real Estate Guy!!! NOOOO!"

I liked the woman-on-the-street mock interviews between scenes. They were funny. I liked that I genuinely laughed at things. I liked Drew Barrymore's monologue about MySpace/texting/emailing/cyber-tag. (Because I agree- if it's a text, it ain't a date. And I'm not shaving my legs - so there.) I liked that the basic message boiled down to not playing games. (i.e. He's probably not playing games. And you probably shouldn't be either.) I liked the set design A LOT because I'm a lame nerd like that. I liked that it allowed you to laugh at the person who was acting like a total shithead retard because, in real life, that person is usually your friend and you usually have to be nicer. I liked that it was honest about the way women tell each other silly advice to make each other feel better that may or may not be true. I liked that when my friend said it gave her "hope," it made me a little happy, but also a little "You're so cute and naive; it's a good thing you're so pretty."

It's Part of the Thought Process Now

me: it wasn't like a "i wanna be your girlfriend and get married and hang out with our other married couple friends" thing.
me: it was more like a "i come to SF every few weeks and i would really like to hook up with you on those weekends and then maybe you can sing to me and take me for walks around the city and we can get little star pizza together, like in movies. but probably only once a month and you don't have to talk to me any other time cuz you'll make me crazy."
ohkimho: lol!! blog that. blog that immediately.

I'd Prefer That It Was Empty

On Sunday night, after the SAG screening of Curious Case of Benjamin Button (which I thought was lovely) but before the 9:50 showing of Nobel Son (which I thought was over the top), Jean and I met up with Shaffer for some mediocre pan-Asian food at Yangtze on the 3rd Street Promenade.

Pretty much everyone has different ways of choosing a fortune cookie after a meal. Jean likes to "count cookies." Frankly, I have no idea what this means, but if it's her way, it's her way. You don't mess with fate. I like to just grab the first one that calls to me. This is really really stange because I am not like that about ANYTHING else in the entire world. Which is a good thing, because my fortunes often suck.

For example, the one from last night:

"If your desires are not extravagant, they will be granted"??!?!? WHAT!??! In plain English:

"Aim for mediocrity and you will never fail."

Someone up/out/around "there" hates me. I'm going to tell myself that it was just a coincidence that my boss mentioned moving into a smaller cubicle today. Yeah... Coincidence. Definitely.